Praveen Kankanala

Not Dead Yet.

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17 Years Behind

Not that Esquire should be considered the vanguard of the progression of human thought, but in their May 2015 issue, in the article entitled The New Rules For Men, a section stands out:

No. 747 Hair growth a man must always maintain: eyebrows, nose hair, ear hair, hair on his head (if applicable).

No. 748 Hair growth a man must never maintain: arm, leg, knuckle, armpit.

No. 749 Everything else: negotiable.

Notwithstanding the alanis-morissette-irony of the absolutism of these rules in a article specifically about new rules, rule 749 would have been laughable a decade ago. Being on the forefront of human something-or-another, I started shaving my chest in 1998, and never heard the end of it for the rest of high school. Today: no one would blink an eye. So, what is No. 748 doing there?

And yes, I am male, and I shave my armpits. Welcome to 2015 Esquire.

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On balding.

No man ever wakes up one day and decides that it’s a perfect day to grow a comb-over. No. It’s a process that only manifests itself slowly and unassumingly. The dirty little secret is that comb-overs actually work quite well, at least in the beginning.

One fine day in a young dashing man’s life, he goes to the barber and the barber mentions at the end: ‘I left the hair in the back a little longer to help cover the thinning’. After some feigned incredulity, this young man will let it be. No one involved in this transaction ever dares to mutter the word ‘comb-over’. And it begins: a little longer hair here, longer hair there. So it grows.

Years later, some 18-year-old know-it-all punk comes up to this no-longer-young man, and tells him to just shave his head and embrace his baldness like a man. Yeah kid: you just wait.

reposted from a July 1st, 2013 post on Facebook. And yes, I still...

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